Death of a Porn Star.

Over the last few weeks, there have been the suicides of two well know gay porn stars. This caused a fairly heated debate about the porn industry especially as both do regular blogs. There was a sense that the suicides were linked to being involved in the industry and that the two go hand in hand in some ways. There were a couple of hateful responses around the morality of porn and this in some ways is to be expected , if you put yourself out there so to speak you will get feedback, both positive, negative and in different. If you’re involved in that line of work, you can’t expect your “ego” to be constantly fed accolades and be worshiped as a hero. Anyway enough of the content around the responses. For me what was interesting was the level of reaction about this and I couldn’t wonder what if it had been say two average looking gay rights activists that had taken their lives rather than two guys adorned as sex gods and physically perfect. Would the reaction have been the same? Would their have been all the posts about how tragic this was, what a loss this was etc? About what this may say about the gay male community, is it over sexualised and is someone’s looks, body and dick size more important than their heart, what they do and the contribution to the world that they make?

Suicide, self harm, mental health issues, drug and alcohol usage is far higher in gay and bisexual men then it is in any other group of people, so its not uncommon in fact gay men are something like ten times more likely to attempt suicide then their straight counterparts.

Personally I feel any suicide is tragic, as someone who has had suicidal thoughts (due to feeling alone and isolated) it’s not nice to go through that and either acting or not acting on the thoughts is no easy thing trust me. That darkness can be consuming, so when someone has taken that action and succeeded the question for me is how can this be prevented in the future, what was going on with them and where was the support around them? I can see how being involved in an industry that is driven by sex, being sexy, having a big cock, having an amazing physique and great looks that being a human and having feelings comes pretty low down the list and that having needs and mental health issues is not seen as very “horny” so there would be pressure to keep issues to yourself. The same can be said in the wider gay community, being seen as having baggage, a past, needing love and support aren’t really welcomed.  Aren’t we supposed to be outgoing, partying, funny, bouncy and always happy? In some ways many gay men face these issues, I could quote more mental health stats and the routes of these issues are reasonably clear to me. When you grow up in a heterosexist society and yes things are getting better but there are still people out there saying how “wrong” we are, how we don’t deserve equality etc? This has affects that’s not rocket science. However when it comes down to my gay and bisexual brothers taking their lives , whether they are a porn star, a teen or gay rights activist they all deserve acknowledging , their stories shared and everyone working to reducing the number of gay men who attempt suicide or who sadly succeed. 

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About jakebarturiobraden

life coach, blogger, writer, psychic, internet show host, mentor and gay oracle.
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6 Responses to Death of a Porn Star.

  1. Tommie Blount says:

    Great one Jakeb, My feelings exactly. I think when tragedies strike our community, like any other, we tend to look for something to blame. In this case, it is the industry and the pressure it puts on it’s workers. Among teenager’s, its violent video games and bullying at school. Guns, drugs, sex, you name it. This actually strikes cords with me personally as I have had a “friend” in this industry that made multiple attempts. But once out of the industry, has become very attuned with his self and feelings, and hasn’t attempted since. I can speak from personal experience, this industry systematically breaks down a human being to the point of becoming an inanimate object. But it is unfair to blame an industry, only one entity is responsible for this, and that is society in a whole. No one takes the time to recognize the signs anymore, people will simply walk by a dying man in the street because they are late for a lunch. Anyway, any suicide is tragic and it grieves me to no end that this story made such an impact after the fact. Mental health is being taken far less seriously these days, and often times is talked about far too late.

    Thanks for the Post
    Keep em Coming!

    • Thanks Tommy in some ways it’s not rocket science. Like I said was the impact bigger because of who it was? Its all about responsibility which can be a difficult thing for people to take…..

      • Tommie Blount says:

        To your Question, Yes! This has been made a well publicized tragedy because of the direct ties our community has to the sex industry. Unfortunately, I don’t think this will ever change. Our society will always give favoring voice to the taboo and controversial, while ignoring the wholesome and inspirational. As humans we crave conflict. It’s unfortunate, but True. So to answer your question, an activist would not be put into the limelight, unless he/she were directly tied to something controversial.

  2. Interesting yes I agree although I feel this is somewhat about who is seen as more deserving as well, as in if its a handsome, well built guy with a huge dick or some less attractive average bloke. Hi I feel that it’s an issue of layers. I’m not saying that gay men are shallow, however I wonder where priorities are sometimes. I like to see that everyone is valuable no matter what their asthetic appearance is.

  3. You are so right–we tend to “evaluate” the person involved in a suicide rather than just reacting with sadness. It’s hard to get past judgments about life choices or personality constellations. We don’t reach easily across divides to people we see as “different.”

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