Are we really just a bunch of dicks?

Now I use two “social networking” apps, Grindr and Scruff, more out of habit and also still a vague belief that I may actually meet someone half decent after all I am on there and I am half decent.

Now as someone who has a wealth of experience of working in sexual health promotion, HIV prevention and also general emotional support roles for gay and bisexual men, I am no Prude why I am saying this well it’s the context of what I am about to say! I can tell you some of my experiences that would make men think twice.

Now its enough that many profiles are faceless, body shots or some other random pic other than your face. Now I appreciate that being a gay is still an issue for some guys and there is plenty of support out there if you want it! (Another blog bout the “closets” issue another time) However why when one (I) asks for a face pic am I greeted with a pic of their dick or cock or arse as an opener with a just a Hi! Would I go around a bar with my face covered poke someone in the back get my dick out and wave it about really thinking that I will get laid that way? I think not, even in Saunas you can see a bloke’s face, whole body and not just his cock or arse! The whole point of having a profile and info there is to give a sense of what and who you are , yes even it is just a one off encounter. I really have to wonder just how many gay men have sexual addiction problems and many agencies just aren’t going there and if anything colluding with the behaviour with there sometimes very PRO sex, sexual health campaigns!
Now I am not subscribing to the Mary Whitehouse school of sexual repressions , I like and enjoy sex as much as the next man and have had a reasonable amount of sexual partners in the past, even if it has been almost 14 months since I last had sex. I just feel that we (as a gay male community) really don’t make the effort any more in pursuing sex, we just expect to message someone, turn up at a random strangers house and have sex! Even without seeing who they are first! I have lost count of the amount of men who have expected that of me lol! Even though I was accused of being a bare backing crystal meth head because of some of my pics, despite them being about 5% of my pics all the other ones of my face, my body and one of my cock, Which brings me back to the pics issue, why do we need see 10, 15 or 20 pics of it! One is enough surely, when I have sex with a man it’s not just his cock and arse that I am interested in, but his face as well his body etc! Even the guys in relationships “claiming” they are looking for non sexual friends, still have cock pics!

Surely putting a bit of effort in is part of the fun of the pursuit? Having a few more face pics, details in your profile about you etc. Or are we just a bunch of dicks really now!

3 Responses to Are we really just a bunch of dicks?

  1. Donald says:

    I appreciated your blog post. While I read it I paused a few times to reflect on my own experience with Scruff. My profile is very direct about exactly what I’m looking for and what I expect (in that I know there is an awesome partner out there for me and I am ready for him). My profile pic is a good picture of my face that I took while on a walk in the mountains one morning. As a result of my profile, I’ve met lots of good guys and a couple of possible matches. I would say that my experience is proof that focusing on details and face pics can work. I do get my fair share of approaches by faceless torsos who send me a dick pic accompanied by the the question, “Lookin?” I don’t mind them because I know my value and their behavior doesn’t diminish me. I guess what I’m saying in an awfully long winded way is this; walk your path with confidence and tell everyone exactly what you want in your profile. Make your profile reflect the private awesomeness that you fear others might trample on and be confident that the right kind of guy would never trample on it. Joyful Blessings.

    • That’s great Donald maybe I ought to have been explicit in my blog my profile is extremely clear about what I’m looking and gives a taste about what sort of man I am. For which I have experienced abusive messages. It’s not about my”ego” how fantastic or amazing I may or may not be. It was a reflection or question on whether these guys just see themselves as just dicks, cock or arises. Without being judgemental and having a good understanding of the issues that gay and men face. Thanks for your contribution and you seem to be sure of your path. Best wishes jakeb

    • That’s great Donald maybe I ought to have been explicit in my blog my profile is extremely clear about what I’m looking and gives a taste about what sort of man I am. For which I have experienced abusive messages. It’s not about my”ego” how fantastic or amazing I may or may not be. It was a reflection or question on whether these guys just see themselves as just dicks, cock or arises. Without being judgemental and having a good understanding of the issues that gay and men face. Thanks for your contribution and you seem to be sure of your path. Best wishes jakeb

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s