Love and Respect.
Well that’s the festive period over and we’re now well into 2014. What I’d like from 2014 is a lot more love and respect out that. An organisation Called GMFA ran a campaign around this every Valentine’s Day, when the focus was loving and respecting each other in a non-sexual way it being about what’s in our hearts and minds rather than just our pants. Taking the time and effort to get to know people etc.
I’d also like to see more dating happening, more effort put into sex and sexual encounters, I can’t help but wonder if certain apps such as Grindr, Scruff, Manhunt etc… haven’t encouraged a laziness in regards to making an effort to get know someone a bit first. In the days before these apps and websites that what guys did, they met each in bars, usually saw someone they liked and struck up a conversation, a bit of flirting and that sexual tension of who was going to make a move first. Also drugs were not used as much as there are now in sexual engagements, now it seems that its common place as a way from getting to from A to Z without doing the work (ie building up to something rather than just getting in there inhibitions and in some way ways sound judgements lacking). I’ve heard some humdingers as rationales for this behaviour that have frankly astounded me.
Reflecting back I actually quite liked that and much prefer that to the fact that someone will message me and expect me to be round theirs in the next cab and perform like a porn star. Perhaps in 2014 we could all grow up a little more and take responsibility in our lives. In my experience guys rarely bother to read profiles, just assume that if you’re on these apps you’ll have sex with just anyone. So it would be cool if guys actually dated more and showed interest while out in the bars, spent less time on these apps. I know I will as it doesn’t work for me. To talk to each other a bit more when we’re out, even if it’s not just for sex who knows who you will meet?
This is love and respect, loving ourselves enough to have healthier boundaries when it comes to sex, rather than putting ourselves at risk for someone who’s not going to remember our name let alone the sex we had a week later. Loving even if it’s for one night another man and respecting each other enough to have a good time and talk a bit more about sex amongst other things and make a connection to another human being that hasn’t been influenced by drugs or alcohol.