What’s it all about, Elfie? Do you recall that song, its been covered by so many great artists and it kinds of means alot to me, Incidentally my favourite version has to be from Tracy Thorn (everything but the girl) A friend and coach Jonathan Welford asked if I would write a blog about overcoming adversity. I am not one for “labels” really who defining myself as one thing or another, However we all have a past and sometimes this impacts on who we are etc. I am a gay man and I grew up in care (Children’s homes) actually coming out as gay was a picnic compared with growing up in care which I found as traumatic on many levels and it took me years to get over that and not only come to terms with it but also the sexual, physical and emotional abuse I received. The staff actually encouraged the other children to Bully me to make a proper boy out of me (whatever that means)
Now I had counselling which I paid for, for about three years to support me to overcome that, However it was my own self development journey that really supported me to move past all that and eventually be able to forgive myself and everyone as much as I can for various things that have transpired in my life and for me the lyrics to Alfie kind of fit the theme for this.
Is it just for the moment we live? Well staying in the moment helps it really does as revisiting the past and making links to the now isn’t always helpful but I am not a fan of over analysing anyways.
What’s it all about when you sort it out, Alfie? Well for me I believe we will never sort it all out as we wouldn’t still be here on earth and this is my spiritual values coming through as well. We are human beings as in being not done! Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind? I have learnt to be as kind to me as I can be which meant over writing alot of stuff I was taught in care like to accept like that I would never amount to much etc
And if only fools are kind, Alfie, Then I guess it’s wise to be cruel. Well in all honesty it’s not as being cruel to oneself and others really just perpetuates the pain and the cycle of negativity. So far from being wise one needs to be kind in thought and deed to oneself and others And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie, What will you lend on an old golden rule? Sometimes it’s strong to be admit one’s mistakes, failings and areas for change or ways we can develop ourselves again we are human beings and every day is a new beginning and every day is a fresh chance to heal and to grow and be who we are truly supposed to be. As sure as I believe there’s a heaven above, Alfie,
I know there’s something much more, something even non-believers can believe in. Indeed we can believe in ourselves, this is key and not always easy to do however even if we believe that we can believe in ourselves it’s a start this is something I have learnt and something I journal a fair bit as well. And to go all gay…. even Kylie sang about believing. I believe in love, Alfie. Without true love we just exist, Alfie. Oh how true this is, it is all about love after all, everything needs to come from the heart and I am attending a workshop over the weekend to live more from my heart then my head as love comes from the heart. Loving myself and loving others helps with the healing process and forgiving process, like forgiving my step mum from excluding me from my father’s funeral.
Until you find the love you’ve missed you’re nothing, Alfie. When you walk let your heart lead the way and you’ll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie So true all of this maybe not the bit that refers to you being nothing as well are all something! I have included all the lyrics from the song in this blog. I could have highlighted them as that a neat NLP trick I have learnt on sub modalities, that’s a story with in a story and how with in the content is the context of life. This for me being about looking beyond the “details” and looking at the context of the issue as in how do I feel about it. When referring back to the question of “adversity” in some respects I appreciate yes in some contexts I have come from that back ground however it’s what I have done with it that’s important. In context I have done pretty well with what I was given, even writing this has helped me remember that.